The EndEdward
by Anarane Tasartir
Summary: I inhaled deeply. I wanted to fill my entire existence with her scent. My throat started burning. There’s your answer, I thought. You were right when you first saw her- you should have gone and never come back.


Disclaimer: I do not own any of the recocnisable characters and plot. All rights go to Stephenie Meyer and their rightfull owners.

Note:This story takes place on the third chapter of new moon. The plot and dialogues are the same, of course. There's a little bit of a differrence, though. We witness the story from Edward's point of view, not Bella's.

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**Chapter 3_The End_Edward**

"Okay, let's talk", she said and I wished, for the millionth time, that I'd be able to read her mind, even just for the tiniest fragment of a second. How am I going to do this to her? But I couldn't condemn her into staying with me forever. What was the worst for me? To stay away from her?

It seemed absurd…and if someone dared to tell me this just two days ago, that was exactly how I'd take it. Absurd. Inconceivable. A really bad joke. And, of course, this wasn't about me at all. After all, the worst part for me was to know what would have happened to her that night, if…

If I hadn't read Jasper's mind.

If Alice hadn't seen the attack in _her_ mind for this tiny, fleeting moment.

If that moment hadn't been enough. If _I_ hadn't been close enough.

If…I hadn't stopped breathing. I shuddered.

I took a deep breath. "Bella, we're leaving", I finally managed to articulate.

She didn't seem to understand the effort that took me to put these four words into a sentence. She breathed deeply and her heartbeat was uneven. How hollow will I be, when I don't hear the sound for which I endure this miserable excuse of existence? _Yes, you will be hollow. To put it light. But Bella will be safe. And this is the only thing that matters. And it's also the only thing you should have been thinking from the very beginning._

Her words interrupted my thoughts. What did she ask me?

"Why now? Another year-"

Of course. Of course she couldn't realize it at once. I loved her. It was impossible to leave without her. _You have to do it, _the good voice inside me said. The one that still cared. I listened to it.

"Bella, it's time", I finally said. "How much longer could we stay in Forks, after all? Carlisle can barely pass for thirty, and he's claiming thirty-three now. We'd have to start over soon regardless."

I looked at her anxiously, as I was reading the thoughts that were now obvious on her face. The confusion, trying to make my unreasonable words make sense. The confidence that I would explain to her, no matter what. The trust I didn't deserve. _I wish you could die_, I told myself. _I wish there'd be such an alternative for you. So that you wouldn't do this to her. I wish you could just stop existing. I loathe you. _

But I had to do it. I looked at her icily; full of the hatred I was feeling for myself. And then I saw it; the despair in her eyes, when she combined my words with my glance. The blood was drained of her face.

"When you say _we_—", she said, under her breath.

"I mean my family and myself", I told her slowly.

The minutes were passing by in a torturous rhythm. What she was trying to do was very obvious. She was still trying to understand. Confused. Hurt. Because of me.

"Okay," she said. "I'll come with you."

"You can't, Bella. Where we're going… It's not the right place for you." _At least not where I'm heading to. _

But I should have known that her stubbornness would step in the middle. I thought I was very well prepared for what I was about to do. I had even thought of an alibi- the Cullens should go far away, and no vegetarians existed where we were going. She couldn't come with me. She would be forced to forget me - and in the end, she would manage to do it.

And I would never do.

But she never gave me the chance to tell her any of my pathetic lies.

"Where you are is the right place for me", she said angrily.

So, she didn't care. Would she follow me even to her death? Just the idea of this was afflictive. She couldn't realize just how close Jasper had been that night. The memory from Alice's mind still haunts me. Constantly.

At least, there was no need for me to lie to her anymore. I'd try to make the truth work.

"I'm no good for you, Bella." _Yes, that's real enough. _And, of course, she wouldn't listen to that.

"Don't be ridiculous", she said and her voice was broken. "You're the very best part of my life."

So, _that_ was what she was seeing in me? I detested myself even more, as I was speaking to her.

"My world is not for you", I finally managed to tell her. _I wish there was another way for us, love. I'd do anything to make this work - and it would have worked. But there is no way. And I have to control myself_. Bella had started shouting.

"What happened with Jasper—that was nothing, Edward! Nothing!"

My hands clenched into fists. She didn't notice.

"You're right," I said. "It was exactly what was to be expected." _Another truth._

"You promised!" she continued. "In Phoenix, you promised that you would stay—"

"As long as that was best for you." _The truth, again_. I could at least concentrate on that. I should only tell her the truth. This way was…well, not easier, just less painful for me. And I was much, much too selfish to deny at this very moment anything that could ease the pain. It was just unbearable.

"No! This is about my soul, isn't it?" Bella was screaming now - her voice broken.

"Carlisle told me about that, and I don't care, Edward. I don't care! You can have my soul. I don't want it without you—it's yours already!"

_Yes,_ I heard the voice inside me. _I know that, Bella, love. That's exactly what I'm trying to change. Because a monster is unworthy of an angel. _

I inhaled deeply. I wanted to fill my entire existence with her scent. My throat started burning. _There's your answer,_ I thought. _You were right when you first saw her- you should have gone and never come back. _I really should have left when I met her. I should have stayed in Alaska. Our old friends were more willing than usual to let me stay with them.

I wanted to smile bitterly – and I might as well did – as I suddenly thought of a new alternative. So, I would lie to her. I would hurt her.

_Are your thoughts really that sick?_ I wondered, disgusted. _Could it be possible that listening to every weakness, every lapse, every dark, guilty thought of the plain, generic humans all these years has created a new monster inside you? A monster that is now ready to tear into pieces the soul you once thought that could save you? As if you could be ever saved. As if one monster wasn't enough. _

I saw it in her eyes that she wouldn't let me go. She was determined. She would never believe me. What if… I changed my mind? What If I tried to make this work? With her? There was no need to do this to her. I could make her happy. _No, you can't. Don't flatter yourself – you've been a monster for almost ninety years now. Nothing more. Concentrate – she's waiting for your answer. _

_I'm sorry, Bella,_ I thought as I was taking my decision. I looked at her with no sign of regret. She was alarmed by the cruelty in my gaze – I saw it.

"Bella, I don't want you to come with me." I kept looking at her – if I wanted to do this the right way, I had to play my part perfectly. No sign of emotion. And I was a _good_ actor.

"You… don't… want me?" she said, without seeming to comprehend.

_I don't want you to die because of me. _How could she believe me? Whatever I was about to tell her now couldn't take back everything I had already told her…the thousands times I've told her _I love you… Damn it! Concentrate!_

"No." I couldn't speak anymore. I didn't have the strength to utter anything more than one word. And I detested myself, because I knew it wouldn't be enough. We could stay here for hours, before she could feel the slightest spark of doubt about me. I kept staring at her, with a sense of revulsion, as I was waiting for her answer. Her denial.

"Well, that changes things", she simply said.

She believed me? How could that be? The shock hit me so suddenly, that took my breath away. _Your breath_, I thought. _As if you need it._

The emotion overpowered me, but it wasn't nearly as strong as the voice of the monster inside me - of the monster that wanted to torture her. Before I had the chance to think this through and regret it, the words came out of my mouth like bullets.

"Of course, I'll always love you…" I said, looking elsewhere, and I heard the uncontrollable beating of her heart. So, she still hoped. The monster was out of control. It only wanted to hold her. _To torment her. Again_. I couldn't allow that. I wouldn't.

"…in a way", I added unwillingly. The monster fell in silence terrified, as a hollow sound was all it could hear from her heart. _Are you having fun yet? Enough. End this. Show her the real you for once. What you have always been. What you will always be. _

"But what happened the other night made me realize that it's time for a change. Because I'm… tiredof pretending to be something I'm not, Bella. I am not human. I've let this go on much too long, and I'm sorry for that."

I turned around to look at her with the monster's face. And I saw it – for the tiniest fraction of an instant inside her deep eyes, she recognized it.

"Don't", she whispered, surrendered. "Don't do this."

_All right_, the monster said, in desolation. _Whatever you ask me to do. I'll stay here for as long as you want me to. Forever. _I was making my best efforts to hold it back.

I couldn't speak. I looked at her again.

And I decided I would dominate it in a final way. So that it couldn't do anything more to take my efforts back. I needed to lock its screams somewhere, so they could not torture me anymore.

"You're not good for me, Bella", I told her, and I felt my heart sinking. _Don't believe me!_ The monster was screaming to her. _How could you believe me? _So, I could not make it shut up. Maybe that was how it was supposed to be. I'd take it. It was the least I deserved.

I waited for her to speak, hiding a hope inside me. But, as always, she said something that took me by surprise.

"If… that's what you want."

_Don't! Don't do this to me._The monster was pleading now. If I'd let it, it would be on its knees, begging. _No._

I nodded once.

I was a good liar. But every actor can be betrayed by his voice at the worst moment. And there was no curtain in this theatre to save me – only the deep, brown eyes of the angel in front me, which would acknowledge the lie immediately. So I tried to pull myself together, before I spoke again and my voice revealed the truth.

"I would like to ask one favour, though, if that's not too much", I told her.

Her eyes brightened when she heard those words, in a way that…almost made me regret this. The monster, which had almost surrendered, started screaming again, trying to get out of me and tell her the truth. Wanting, in this endeavour, to lacerate my insides and my heart. _Yes, maybe this could happen. If your insides weren't frozen. If your heart wasn't already dead._

I could at least try to hold it back. I was feeling the vacant fire behind my eyes. The tears that weren't there, struggling to reveal themselves. The monster's tears. But she shouldn't realise that. And she wouldn't.

"Anything", she told me, and I believed her – once again, she would do whatever I asked her to. But it was too late for the monster. It was already disorientating me, by its silent sobs. And my eyes…my eyes were burning. If I hadn't known what I was, and know this beyond any doubt, I would have sworn that the tears would had betrayed me.

Looking at Bella didn't make this easier. And she was looking back at me, once again, unconditionally surrendered. I've never been able to realize what a person like Bella could love about me. Because that was obvious – she loved me. Was she even aware of the fact that I loved her, too? It wasn't just her blood that was pulling me towards her like a magnet – if it only were for that, her time would have truly come the moment I met her. Beyond her obvious beauty, Bella was the sweetest, the most selfless and courageous creature to ever walk on this planet for a century now – and I should have known that.

The fire in my eyes was now excruciating. I tried to concentrate, so that I wouldn't be torn apart by looking at her. The flames kept moving, taking away, one by one, pieces of me. I could only hope that it wasn't obvious.

"Don't do anything reckless or stupid. Do you understand what I'm saying?" I told her, with as much strength as I had left. Which was maybe a little more than necessary – after all, Bella's natural inclination for any kind of danger didn't allow my being modest about it now. Not to mention that most of the times, it was herself who pursued danger. Just like she had done with the sadist vampire in Phoenix. _Just like with her irrepressible, irrational desire of being close to you. Despite the harm you're causing her. Despite the fact that you could crush her with your softest touch; kill her with your sweetest kiss. _

But there was no need for our lips to come close this time, for tempting me to kill her. My words had done a much better job. They had succeeded.

It seemed that neither Bella could speak anymore. She just nodded, making no effort to hide her desperation.

Watching her like this would make me lose my sanity. I couldn't bear it. I opened my mouth again.

"I'm thinking of Charlie, of course. He needs you. Take care of yourself—for him." _And for me._

"I will", she said in a low voice – only I could hear it. But she was telling the truth, once again. She'd do anything for me.

And this was exactly what made me extricate from insanity – a little. If Bella would be safe, I could endure anything. I decided to push my limits a little further.

"And I'll make you a promise in return", I said. "I promise that this will be the last time you'll see me. I won't come back. I won't put you through anything like this again. You can go on with your life without any more interference from me. It will be as if I'd never existed." _And if only this was true._

The sudden pounding of her heart made me anxious. She was about to faint – I knew I wouldn't be able to continue, if that happened. And I had to continue. Terrified, I tried to soothe her. I even tried to smile, but I don't know if I pulled this off - I think I did.

"Don't worry. You're human—your memory is no more than a sieve. Time heals all wounds for your kind." _Another curse for mine._

"And your memories?" she asked me, and the tone in her voice crumbled my heart into sharp splinters. The monster started speaking before I had the chance to stop it. Of course. It couldn't remain silent, having heard her voice like this.

"Well", I heard someone saying and it seemed odd, because it was too late when I recognized my own voice. I hadn't realized that I'd started speaking. _What are you trying to do, you mean, cheating monster? What are you trying to tell her? I won't let you hurt her anymore. _I tried to pull myself together, so I could dominate it, once again. _I won't let you,_ I said to it again. _Not now. It's almost over._

Detesting myself, I remembered the unbelievable excuse I had thought of giving her. Would she believe me? She seemed to notice my fleeting hesitation. I decided I'd take my chances.

"I won't forget", I continued. "But mykind… we're very easily distracted." _Yes, that would be so easy. If you hadn't lost your sight. If it hadn't been taken away by this fragile girl. If she hadn't changed you that way. Completely. Even _you_ know there's no going back now._

I tore myself away – just one little step. I meant this to be more, but the monster wouldn't allow me. I didn't want it to touch her – my will would break into flinders if it held her. _No,_ I told it for the nth time, and I spoke on behalf for the both of us, without realizing that.

"That's everything, I suppose. We won't bother you again."

I regret it at once. Her bright eyes lit up. Had she understood? I was suddenly terrified. The monster hadn't spoken out loud, had it? Its pleas hadn't been heard – I would never allow that. Was it possible that it screamed so loud, that I wasn't the only one who could listen to it? No, that couldn't be – still, a sign of comprehension had slightly marked her face.

"Alice isn't coming back", she said, under her breath.

I was almost relieved. Yes, of course she was right. But it wasn't conceivably close to what I was afraid of.

"No. They're all gone. I stayed behind to tell you goodbye."

"Alice is gone?" she asked again, and it seemed that the pain of that second treachery hit her suddenly – her voice was blank. I didn't want her to be mad at Alice, too, for the way she had left. I was the only one she was supposed to hate. _And why hasn't she done it already? How much longer before she finally realizes what you really are?_

"She wanted to say goodbye, but I convinced her that a clean break would be better for you."

That was true. And it wasn't just about Alice. I had sent them all away – I couldn't bear being near them after what I was about to do. After all, Alice was really worried about Jasper. Regardless of her love for Bella, her bond with Jasper was very strong – she couldn't let him leave alone now, being so disappointed by himself. There was no force in this world that could keep her away from him at this instant.

Bella was lost in her thoughts. In fact, she seemed lost overall, as if there was nothing that kept her connected to reality. As if she was trying to chase away a nightmare. I looked at her once again, knowing it was the last time I'd do that. Her thick, brown hair reddened the tiniest bit, as it was touched by the sunrays which pierced the dense leafage of the trees above us. Her strange, deep eyes were looking straight ahead, without watching anything. Even being in this condition, she was the most beautiful creature in the world. I stood there looking at her dazzled – I just couldn't believe that the other way around was possible, just like she had tried to persuade me so many times in the past. Not comprehending the effect she had on me was almost…criminal of her.

But I couldn't postpone this much longer. I took a deep breath – my throat burst into flames in the precisely perfect moment, to prove me right. _No!_ The monster was shouting. _You know you _are_ able of control! Don't do this to her. Don't do this to me. Please._

_Selfish, _I thought, disgusted. _That's all you care about. _I could still taste her blood through Jasper's rabid thoughts. And there was no way I would allow anything like that happen again – even if the possibilities were close to zero. There was no way she'd go through such a danger again because of me.

"Goodbye, Bella", I told her and my voice was serene. I had finally accomplished to calm myself. _It's almost over. You can collapse later, if you wish_, I told the monster, knowing that I'd probably do the exact same thing.

And despite all my efforts, she almost tore me to pieces – again.

"Wait!" she said, and I was fairly certain I could see the tears glistening in her eyelashes. She raised her hands to reach me. Inside me, the monster was sinking in a break-neck speed. Into the abyss. It wanted to get closer to her.

And because, for the very first time, I felt pity for this weak monster, which was now so small I would have sworn that it had cringed, writhing in a forgotten corner of my body sobbing, I let it do it.

A decision I immediately regretted.

If it weren't for the wild scream of its joy to bring me back to reality, I wouldn't have stopped it. Because it was trying to hug her and that was the only thing I wanted at this instant. _Wanted? Such a petty word to describe your feelings now. _Still, once more, I wasn't strong enough to cease its reaction now. Or I just didn't want to.

I came close to her. But even a miserable monster like me should know that I couldn't just hold her and then simply run away. Firstly, because this would be something she didn't deserve at all. And secondly, because…I knew I wouldn't have the strength to do that. My will would break into a million pieces. I was already wondering how it could still remain intact.

I held her wrists with my hands. Gently.

_One step at a time_, I thought. Forcing my will against the monster, I put her hands to her sides. I didn't know if she was using her strength to keep me from doing this. I couldn't tell.

_One step at a time, _I growled to myself, as the monster was now approaching her lips. And, this time, its pain was mine, too.

_One step at a time…_and I was suddenly surrendered to the monster, because I couldn't bear this anymore. But it was only for a second. Because I had – and I couldn't remember why, just that I had to – change the direction of the kiss.

My lips came close to her beautiful face. And they reached, very gently, her forehead. In this kiss, the last kiss I'd make her tolerate by my frozen lips, I locked all of my love. All of my existence, as I was only devoted in loving her, for quite a while. I didn't even know how to do anything else now. I was wondering what I would do from now on.

I was sure she couldn't realize the warmth I had put in this kiss, though. _The warmth you'd wanted to be able of putting in it_, I told myself and for the millionth time I wished I'd be human – for her shake. After all, how much warmth could two frozen, dead lips offer? _They can't. You have to leave. Now. _

"Take care of yourself", I told her.

And I left.

I reached Charlie's place within seconds and I got in the car immediately. The tires were screeching as I was leaving, fighting a sudden impulse of going back.

_No._

I left the car at the end of the road. Its speed wasn't enough for me. I couldn't remember where I wanted to go. I just knew I had to run. And that's what I did.

I realized my mistake at once. Her scent was still in the woods. I tried to restrain myself. It wasn't that I didn't know that – Alice had warned me, after all. That was why I'd left the note. I couldn't leave anything to fate regarding Bella. The odds were always against her. I only prayed for Charlie to return home quickly and find her – I hadn't let Alice tell me anything more.

"Edward", she had choked out, "she's going to suffer. You can't imagine how badly".

_But I could._

"No, Alice. Don't tempt me. As long as you're sure they'll find her soon enough." I answered to her in anguish, because I could now see eluding glimpses of her thoughts. "I don't want you to get involved with her for any reason. And no trying to see her future. We've harmed her enough already."

"But-" she tried to say, and there was no need for me to read her mind in order to know what she would tell me. It was all over my thoughts, too. Tyler's van, approaching her, menacingly. Four persons, surrounding her in a dark alley in Port Angeles. A vampire trying to kill her, inside a chamber full of mirrors. A drop of her blood, dripping as she was trying to open a birthday present. My brother, through Alice's mind, having already tasted that blood.

And one last image…the one that hurt the most. Bella's lifeless body, lying next to me, on a green meadow. And _I _was to blame. _No,_ I said again, and I wasn't sure who I was speaking to this time. Bella's life since she'd met me had been a constant game of hide-and-seek with death. I couldn't let death win.

"I'm so sorry, Edward", she said. "I truly am. But don't you think we ought to stay? You know, to make sure she's safe. This is Bella we're talking about, after all. She's a magnet for danger, remember?"

"No. I'll make her promise. Nothing reckless or stupid. And she will mean it, Alice. She can't lie to me", I told her abruptly, totally convinced for the truth of my words.

"Of course", Alice told me. She'd do anything for you, Edward. We both know that". _She'd do it if you asked her. If you only let her. She'd become one of us. She'd stay with you forever. That's all she wants._

My voice was hoarse when I answered to her thoughts out loud.

"No, Alice. You know I'd never do that to Bella. Her soul is precious".

I'd never thought of that alternative for her – not really. This was the image that made me feel ashamed of myself. Her face oddly pale. Her eyes crimson red. _No,_ I said, probably aloud again, because the temptation was way too much. _Bella, mine forever…_

_No. Save her. You're halfway there._

Alice flinched where she stood - she seemed even tinier.

"As you wish, Edward", she said and I hear the criticism in her voice. "I have to go now. Jasper…"

_Jasper,_ I thought. _He's probably losing his mind. _

"I'm sorry I kept you", I murmured. "And…Alice? Sorry to ask you once again, but…are you absolutely sure they'll find her soon enough? I mean…she's not going to be hurt, is she?" I said, choking only at the thought of this.

Her lips were pursed into a thin line. I knew what she was seeing. And I also knew why _I_ couldn't do that. I had asked her not to show me Bella's agony after I'd left her. I knew I wasn't strong enough to resist to _that_ picture. And she was trying really hard to keep her thoughts concealed at this very moment.

"Yes, they will find her. Not right away, but they will. She's not hurt." _At least, not physically, _she thought in a critical tone.

I shook my head quickly, to chase out the last four words. What was I going to do to her?

"She'll forget", I said, gritting my teeth. "Thank you, Alice. For everything. Go now. You have to find him."

"Don't worry about that", she answered wanly. "I just…Well, I wish things could have evolved differently. I 'm going to miss you."

Of course. It was Alice I was speaking with. Knowing my decisions was only natural. I didn't speak.

"Well…be careful", she said with a sigh. "I guess we'll talk to each other again…some time later. When you'll be able to", she said, touching my hair tenderly. Before I had the chance to ask her what she meant by that, she was gone. A light breeze had enshrouded me.

Now I could understand the meaning behind those words. She had also seen my own pain. That's why she had insisted so much. That's why the rest of our family were finally gone – she had spoken to them. I had tried to do that myself, but they wouldn't leave without me. I _had_ been wondering about that – what could have possibly changed their mind? But if Alice had spoken to them…she knew what I needed. To be alone. Gratitude flooded through me, along with guilt. I hadn't thanked her enough.

Sending Rosalie away wasn't that hard, though. She was so excited for my decision that, despite her efforts to keep her thoughts to herself, being in the same room with her had become unbearable. She was thrilled with that new perspective in Bella's future. She was never able to comprehend why Bella would ruin everything in her life just so she could spend the eternity with a vampire.

"_Well",_ I thought in irony. _"There's something in common between us, little sister"._

She and Emmett were the first ones to depart. No goodbyes. Emmett was uncertain about that, but he finally decided to say his own goodbye through his thoughts. He knew I would listen to him. He also wanted me to know how sorry he was – unlike his soulmate, he liked Bella enough for welcoming her cordially to the family.

Carlisle and Esme were the next ones. And the most unwilling to go. How much anxiety could a heart hold? Esme was worried for all of us. She was terrified of what my decision might cause to me. She couldn't stand the idea of any of her children getting hurt. And I knew she considered Bella to be her child, as well, just like the rest of us. She wasn't trying to hide her thoughts – she was heart-broken.

Carlisle was the most confused. He was thinking of Bella, feeling sorry for her. He was thinking of me; the same. He was thinking of Jasper. Alice. Esme. Rosalie. Emmett. Our whole family was passing through his mind over and over again, in such a speed, that I would wonder how a person could feel so many things at the same time, without exploding.

I would wonder if I hadn't known him all these years. I had never traced the slightest flaw, the slightest lapse in his thoughts. He was simply unable of any kind of malevolence and pettiness. Full of love and compassion for everyone. Now, he was seeing everything he had created all these years with tremendous efforts, falling apart in front of his eyes, because of me. And, despite all that, all I could see in his mind was his concern about me. His honest consideration. I didn't deserve any of this. He only made me feel worse.

_I wish they had all reacted like Jasper_, I thought. He hadn't returned home. He was hiding in the woods, away from all of us. He only allowed Alice to meet him. He had asked me not to follow him – he was going insane for not being able to control himself. Such an irony for someone with a gift like his own. To have the power to control every human's emotions, but not being able to restrain your own? I could almost sympathize with him.

Almost.

Because, if he had been faster on that dreadful moment, if he had dared to approach her just a little more, I would have ripped his throat apart. And I've never been more certain that I'd win a duel with Jasper before.

Even now, I couldn't feel sorry about this. There was no sense of apologizing to anyone for my thought. _Neither to Alice? _I shuddered. No, neither to her. I could only see one person in my mind.

Bella.

_She'll go on with her life. Just like it's supposed to be. Isn't this what you wanted?_

_As if I'd never existed,_ I murmured and I started walking. I had reached the house. I stepped in slowly. My eyes didn't linger for one second on the big piano which dominated the room. A bitter memory was all it could offer me now. I moved towards my room, slightly faster. My departure had been set for the next day, but I was feeling somehow strange. Something…seemed wrong. The house was empty. What was I doing here?

It was only when I saw the darkness invading my room violently through the large windows, that I came back to reality. For a while. How long has it been? I hadn't realized the night coming.

Then I perceived what was wrong. Why I suddenly felt breathless and hollow. And I immediately wished I would have stayed in ignorance.

The night had come. And I was alone.

For the first time in months, the temperature of the night seemed unnatural to me. And I now knew Bella's absence was the reason for this. I couldn't feel her body next to mine, setting me on fire. Only then it hit me. What had I done?

It wasn't long ago, when I thought that my heart had been lost forever in some dim corridors of a hospital which I barely remembered, by my nebulous, human memories. I couldn't have been more wrong.

The agony that overwhelmed me now, in a way that would make any human benumb of the power of this emotion, showed me that I had just lost my heart. I couldn't feel anything now.

Seized by nothingness, I didn't realize that I was lying on the wooden floor, curled up into a ball. Neither that – out of habit, or out of need – I was humming a melody.

A lullaby.

_I'm sorry,_ I thought, letting nothingness carry me away.

_I'm sorry. I love you. _

_

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Ok, I just wanted you to know two things:

first of all, this is -obviously- a one shot.

second, the text wasn't originally written in english, so I can only hope there aren't too many mistakes here!!! I made an effort to translate it myself but I would like to think whether you like it or not anyway!! Thank you in advance for commenting!!!! :)))))


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